Baby daddy / ex-husband / ex-boyfriend / di ole fart / di eediat man / di sperm donor and the list continues…
I have heard countless friends refer to their children’s father using any one of the terms above and some other terms not worth mentioning in this medium. This out of frustration with the lack of support, be it financial or time given to their children.
There is “D” who is supporting her daughter by herself because the father always says he has no money but yet is flashing the latest phone and/or ‘bashment’ outfit. She
has to find a way to buy diapers, food and pay for other essentials such as school fee. Even though he has no money to spend on his child, or so he claims, he will not even offer to babysit for a day or even an afternoon. Then tell me why does he get upset when his daughter calls another man “daddy”?
“A” on the other hand has an ex-husband who supports his son financially but is never around to teach him to tie his shoe lace, take him to a movie, the beach, the zoo, the park or do anything remotely tied to spending quality time with his son.
I too have had my challenges like “D”. I have struggled to try to include daddy even though he is not contributing financially or otherwise. I do not want it to be said that I cut him out of my child’s life even though I would really like to.
I believe that children need their fathers however good or bad and so with a heavy heart I force my child to spend 6 hours between Friday night and Saturday morning with his ‘Dad’. I say 6 hours because he will pick him up late Friday night and drop him back home by 9 am Saturday morning! Not much quality time spent, but hey it’s some time…
On the other hand, there are some men out there who will be more than willing to spend time with their children and children that are not biologically theirs. I am a witness to that.
Let’s call him “F”. “F” is dating a single mother and he helps her son with his homework, plays video games with him, takes him on bonding trips to the barber, ensures that he has lunch money, is teaching him to tie his shoe lace and I could name countless other acts.
Clearly, “F” is not only interested in the mother but is also clearly interested in the wellbeing of her son even though he is not the biological father. Her son has also recognised the actions of “F” and recently asked his mother if he could now call “F” daddy. The shocked mother asked why and her son responded:
“My real father is just a father but “F” does things with me that a daddy should do”.
(mother’s mouth drops wide open!)
When asked what I would do in this position I replied:
“let the child do what he feels comfortable doing”
…I may go straight to hell for my response, but the way I see it is if a child can know the difference between a ‘father’ and a ‘daddy’, then who am I to say anything?
Let me just say KUDOS! to all the real men out there who are daddies to their kids and who have taken up the responsibility to be role models for children that are not biologically theirs. Yes I agree that children need financial support but not because men don’t have the cash to spend means that they should cheat their kids of their time! Children need love to flourish!