1. Hide Your Anger
All of us experience anger. Your spouse treats you unfairly, or they fail to do something that you expected them to do, so you feel angry. However, if your spouse doesn’t know when you are angry, then you can easily avoid dealing with it and thus destroy the marriage. Being honest about anger will help you begin to process it in a healthy way … forcing you to deal with it out in the open … and that is something you will want to avoid if your desire is to destroy your marriage.
Destructive Hint: If you can’t hide your anger completely, just disguise it with a different name like “hurt” or “disappointed” to make it less obvious that you are trying to destroy the marriage.
2. Explode Often
When you are angry with someone it means that, in your mind, they have wronged you. When someone has wronged you, the emotion of anger pushes you to fight back and fighting back almost always makes the situation worse.
One fundamental principle in anger management is to make a covenant with yourself, that you will not attack another person when you are angry. Definitely do not follow this principle if you are trying to destroy your marriage. Verbal and physical explosions are always an effective way in trying to quickly destroy a marriage.
3. Never Ask Clarification
When you are angry, always assume that you have all the information, or that you know exactly what the person meant by what they said. Make sure you do not ask for clarification. If you don’t give them an opportunity to explain, or to apologize, then you can jump to all the conclusions you want and believe the worst. So if you want to destroy your marriage, never ask clarifying questions before jumping to judgments when you’re angry.
4. Avoid Resolution
If you want to destroy your marriage you must never find a resolution to the situation that stimulated the anger in the first place. All of us say and do things at times that are not loving. These failures stimulate hurt and anger. Anger doesn’t simply melt away with time, and hurt does not evaporate. They exist to motivate us to seek understanding and resolution, so if you avoid resolving the root cause of your anger, then you will be well on your way to a destroyed marriage.
Note from Editor: This article is obviously not intended to help destroy marriages, but rather strengthen them by exposing the kinds of behavior that do, in fact, destroy marriages. Our hope is that you will do the opposite of these destructive actions and thereby learn to deal with anger in a positive and effective way.
adapted from Love Language Minute with Dr. Gary Chapman